Singapore is a multicultural society. Despite this fact, there are still some cultural traits of certain race, religion or nationality that some Singaporeans cannot accept. For instance, when we bid farewell, the Chinese just wave goodbye and the Malays would kiss the hand and touch their heart as a form of respect and love. For people who come from France, they would hug the person and give the person a peck on the cheek regardless of the person’s gender.
I have witnessed an incident whereby a conflict started due to the cultural differences. My grandmother is a great cook. Everybody in the family enjoys eating her cooking. However, she is very particular when it comes to dining etiquette. To her, loud eating noises such as slurping and burping are very impolite and are considered a number one sin in dinner table etiquette.
My third aunt has a Japanese friend – Molly. There are some differences between Japanese dining etiquette and my grandmother’s. Contrary to my grandmother's, the Japanese would slurp their soup and noodles loudly. This is their way of expressing that the food is delicious. One day, Molly was invited to my grandmother’s house for dinner. When the soup was served, Molly slurped the soup very loudly.
My grandmother was very disgusted by her action and told her off immediately. Molly, being Japanese, apologized immediately and explained to my grandmother that slurping the soup loudly was a way to show that she was enjoying the meal.
This incident really reflected the fact that cultural differences do result in conflicts. The conflict did not escalate because of the polite nature of Japanese people. In this scenario, my grandmother should have spoken in a more polite manner, rather than telling Molly off in a harsh tone. Effective communication involves the speaker being clear in sending the message across as well as effective listening from the receiving end. My grandmother’s harsh tone might have turned the listener off. The incident would then have a very ugly conclusion.
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Poor Molly. I always find it interesting when one person's courtesy is perceived as another's rudeness.
ReplyDeletePerhaps instead of making judgement on Molly straight away, one could have asked Molly about her behavior to gain more insights. But I also understand that in a high context Asian culture, we hesitate to ask questions and often choose to make our own assumptions based on the things we observe. That can definitely stand in the way of communicating effectively with people from different culture.
This is an interesting scenario to post, Stanley. You set the stage well with a good general description, and then you focus on the dinner itself. In the interpretation I would go one step prior to the conflict stage and explain that, due to differing values/norms, your grandmother and Molly approached the dinner table with different perceptions of proper etiquette. When such differences are not recognized and accepted, conflict can occur.
ReplyDeleteI remember while in Japan being told politely by a former colleague that she felt a bit uncomfortable eating soup when dining with me because I didn't slurp! Your grandmother's lack of sensitivity in this area is understandable of course, as is Molly's, but for those of us who hope to transcend cultural barriers, broader perspectives and greater tolerance are required. Thank you for bringing up this subject.
Just a couple language issues:
1) the Chinese would just wave goodbye.... >>> the Chinese just wave goodbye
2) For people who came from France... >>> For people who come from France...
3) One day, she was invited... >>> One day, Molly was invited...
Oh no.. I hope molly hasn’t been traumatized by this event!! You have a rather interesting post which is also clear and concise. Something like this could have happened to anyone of us. I think that eating etiquettes are one of the few that vary greatly across cultures. The Japanese, as you’ve mention, slurp their noodles loudly, other cultures leave a bit of food behind to show their gratefulness for a wonderful mean while finishing everything would mean that the host has not provided you with enough food. I think we need to be sensitive and aware of such things when dinning with people from other cultures. It of course is a new experience and would be interestingly educational if we were a bit more understand. :)
ReplyDeleteHi Brad,
ReplyDeleteyou mentioned that you "would go one step prior to the conflict stage and explain that, due to differing values/norms, your grandmother and Molly approached the dinner table with different perceptions of proper etiquette. When such differences are not recognized and accepted, conflict can occur."
I mentioned about my grandmother's proper dining etiquette in the 2nd paragraph. Your advice would therefore be to also add in some details about Molly's proper dining etiquette?
Thanks
Hi May,
ReplyDeleteI agree with you that in most Asians are less willing to ask probably due to the issue of pride. I think one platform that the Y-generation Asian can do would be to research about such cultural norms using the internet? Like Daniel has mentioned, we really need to be more open and understanding towards others, especially people from cultures and religions that we are not familiar with. Thanks for your comment! =P
Yes, exactly, Stanley.
ReplyDeleteYup, I have added in to briefly discuss about Japanese dining etiquette.
ReplyDeleteHi Stanley,
ReplyDeleteSeems like you have garnered a well diversed feedback which have covered mostly all grounds of discussion.
I have to say I really enjoyed reading this post about intercultural conflict. Your observation and decription of the incident was very clear. In addition, the relation and comparison drawn were very coherant. Transitions between paragraphs were also smooth and made reading an ease.
Great post!
Great post first!!!
ReplyDeleteWhen you mentioned about the Japanese eating habit...haha I just cannot stop smiling, the Japanese like to make noises while eating, as the more delicious the food is, the more noises you are going to make~I could get the point and feel very awful like u when I once had a dinner with a group of Japanese ppl.
About the sin part, I remember my mum told me to be quiet while eating otherwise, you are going to scare away your fortunea and luck~~haha, chinese edition of the sin~
gd luck for your coming exam~